I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
