take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
worst night to have a conscience
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
