It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
