The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
