cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
