Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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