i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
