Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
