Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
