alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
