Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
