Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
