Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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