You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
