I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
