***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
