Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
