Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
