Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Let's paint friendship bongs
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
