btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
