I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
