I accidentally burped into my bong.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
they're like a gay fantastic four
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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