Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
