is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
