she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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