If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
