This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
