i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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