Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
