Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
