Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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