why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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