listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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