Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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