I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize