JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
