Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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