I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
