i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
