yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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