And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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