I wish I only lived at night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
