it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this boner is exhausting
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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