Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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