I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
