Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
