He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
