Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He shit in the fireplace
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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