Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
