She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Your penis caused this!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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