ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
